Self-Care

We all know that family is supposed to be our safe haven—a place where we can be ourselves without judgment. But let’s be real: sometimes, family can be the exact opposite. Whether it’s an offhand comment about your weight at Thanksgiving dinner or a so-called “joke” at a family reunion, body-shaming within families is unfortunately common. And because these remarks come from people we care about, they can sting even more. You might brush it off at the moment, but those comments can linger, affecting your self-esteem and your relationship with your body. So, how do you respond when a family member body-shames you? It’s a tough situation, but there are ways to handle it that protect your mental and emotional wellbeing without causing a family rift. Let’s dive into some strategies that will help you tackle this issue head-on. Understanding Body-Shaming Body-shaming isn’t just about someone telling you to lose weight. It’s any negative comment about your body—whether it’s your size, shape, or any other physical attribute. These comments can come from a place of ignorance, insecurity, or even a misguided sense of “helpfulness,” but the impact on the person being shamed is often the same: it hurts. Family members might engage in body-shaming for various reasons. Some do it because they grew up in an environment where commenting on someone’s appearance was normalized. Others might do it because they’re projecting their own insecurities onto you. And then there are those who think they’re being helpful, believing that their criticism will motivate you to change. Spoiler alert: it won’t. The effects of body-shaming can be deep and long-lasting. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and even disordered eating. When these comments come from family members, the impact can be even more profound because these are the people whose opinions often matter most to us. Understanding why body-shaming happens doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it does help you prepare for how to deal with it. Preparing Yourself Mentally and Emotionally Before you can effectively respond to body-shaming, you need to build up your mental and emotional defenses. This starts with self-awareness. Understanding your own triggers and insecurities can help you stay grounded when someone says something hurtful. If you know that comments about your weight, for example, really get under your skin, it’s important to mentally prepare yourself for the possibility of hearing them. Self-acceptance is another crucial piece of the puzzle. It’s easier said than done, but working towards accepting and loving your body as it is can make a huge difference in how you react to body-shaming. This doesn’t mean you have to love every single part of your body every day, but acknowledging that your worth isn’t tied to your appearance is a powerful step. Confidence is your best armor against body-shaming. When you’re confident in who you are, it’s easier to let hurtful comments roll off your back. There are many ways to build confidence, but one effective strategy is positive self-talk. Yes, it might feel a little silly at first, but telling yourself things like “I am enough” or “My body is strong and capable” can actually help shift your mindset over time. Staying calm and composed when someone body-shames you can be challenging, especially if the comment catches you off guard. However, keeping your cool is crucial. When you respond calmly, you maintain control of the situation and prevent it from escalating. Deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, and even practicing responses ahead of time can help you stay composed when you need it most. Effective Communication Strategies Now that you’ve got your mental and emotional defenses in place, it’s time to think about how you’ll actually respond when someone body-shames you. The key here is to communicate your feelings assertively but not aggressively. It’s all about setting boundaries while still maintaining respect for the other person. One of the best ways to express how a comment made you feel is by using “I” statements. For example, instead of saying, “You’re always criticizing my weight,” you might say, “I feel hurt when my weight is brought up in conversation.” This shifts the focus from blaming the other person to expressing your own feelings, which can help reduce defensiveness on their part. You don’t have to come up with a perfect response on the spot, either. It’s okay to take a moment to gather your thoughts. You might say something like, “I need a minute to think about what you just said.” This gives you time to decide how you want to respond without feeling pressured to react immediately. If you’re looking for some go-to phrases to use in these situations, here are a few options: The goal is to convey that these types of comments are not okay with you and that you’d prefer the conversation to steer in a different direction. Empathy can also play a role in these conversations. Try to understand where the other person is coming from, even if their approach is hurtful. For example, if an older family member makes a comment about your weight, it might be helpful to recognize that they grew up in a different era with different societal expectations. This doesn’t excuse their behavior, but understanding it can help you respond more calmly. That said, empathy doesn’t mean you have to accept or tolerate body-shaming. You can acknowledge their perspective while still standing firm in your own. For instance, you might say, “I understand that you’re concerned about my health, but your comments about my body are not helpful. I’d appreciate it if we could talk about something else.” Navigating these conversations can be tricky, especially if the other person gets defensive or upset. The important thing is to stay true to your boundaries and keep the conversation focused on your feelings rather than getting caught up in an argument. If the conversation starts to escalate, it’s okay to step away and revisit it later when everyone has had time to cool down.